Marion Deutsche Cohen’s husband Jeffrey Cohen was
diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at the age of 36. Cohen helped her husband as he became less able to do things for
himself, but it was ten years later, in 1987, that she starts her record of her
role as caretaker for her husband; it was then that he lost the ability to move
himself from his wheelchair to the toilet. 
Her life as wife and mother with four young children became much harder,
and she sets out the unpleasant details of the days and especially the nights
of that period. She found that she
could not get enough help from health professionals, social workers, or her
extended family, and she makes the important argument that when one member of a
family has a serious disability, the whole family becomes disabled.

Cohen writes honestly about her experience, and does
not hide her frequent anger and frustration. 
She prides herself on never becoming violent with her husband, but she
makes plain that she had many tantrums and meltdowns when she was having a very
hard time was being awakened by her husband many times every night to meet his
needs. She never blames her husband for
their misfortune, and it’s clear that most of the time she did everything she
could to help him. Yet she makes no
apology for putting herself at the center of this book; her aim is to make
absolutely clear how well spouses caring for their partners are all too often
expected to carry out their duties with no complaint and insufficient
resources.

Rates of degenerative diseases are increasing and we
face a future in which a large proportion of the population suffers from
Alzheimer’s. Furthermore, there are
many other families with one or more members with serious mental illnesses, and
in these cases also families are often expected to care for their loved
ones. Cohen’s message is that we are
ignoring the plight of the caregivers, as well as the plight of those people
with chronic severe illnesses. Dirty Details is a powerful meditation
on the role of the well spouse in contemporary society, and I recommend it highly.

© 2002 Christian Perring. All rights reserved.

Christian Perring, Ph.D., is
Chair of the Philosophy Department at Dowling College, Long Island. He is
editor of Metapsychology Online Review. His main research is on
philosophical issues in psychiatry. He is especially interested in exploring
how philosophers can play a greater role in public life, and he is keen to help
foster communication between philosophers, mental health professionals, and the
general public.

Categories: General, Memoirs