Edited by Amy Ferris and Hollye Dexter Dancing at the Shame Prom: sharing the stories that kept us small is a collection of 27 stories written by women explaining and describing their accounts of shame, and how they worked to overcome shame in their lives. Ferris and Dexter wish to ‘…shatter the stigma of that scary word shame and send this message to women (and men) everywhere: You are not alone – we are right there with you. In revealing our true stories, we hope you will feel empowered to awaken to your own greatness, to laugh, to share, to lighten up! Yes, we all live with regret and shame, but when we can release and heal it, we become stronger in the places where we were once broken’ (p. x). 

The women contributing their accounts of shame come from all walks of life and their stories are different from each other in so many ways (even when they discuss similar experiences). Some stories are not necessarily based on gender, but deal with issues that concern both women and men such as alcoholism in the family, marriage and relationships, infidelity, racial identity and suicide. Other stories are directly tied to gender in the sense that they discuss issues that relate to the female body, such as not being able to become pregnant, having an abortion, as well as eating disorders (even though eating disorders affect men as well, there is a much higher percentage of women and girls living with an eating disorder).

It is interesting to note that many of the stories focuses on childhood experiences that so deeply and intensely impacted the author’s life that shame followed them until adulthood. These feelings of shame, along with having to deal with issues that are clearly not appropriate for a child often resulted in physical, physiological, mental and spiritual struggles for these women. Therefore, being able to discuss such a powerful emotion like shame helps these women shed and come to terms with their guilt, shame and in many instances feelings of inadequacy. Just as some of these stories stem from experiences in childhood, others also touch on being different from the norm, and how such experiences can affect people. For example, some authors discuss growing up in households that they believed were very different from the ‘average family’ or how they themselves were different from the ‘average person’ along with the shame that accompanied such an experience. Self-acceptance and the acceptance of others therefore became an important element in overcoming shame.

Readers are more than likely to recognize themselves in many or some of these stories and to relate with these women on many different levels. Even though the stories are written by women, and the target audience will most likely be other women, there are many stories that deal with issues of shame that are not necessarily gendered per se. Therefore, many men will also likely recognize themselves in the stories shared by these women. Although it might be easier to understand the connection between shame and experiences more in certain stories it is refreshing to read so many varied accounts of the impact of shame. Even though shame can be brought on by and based on many different experiences, the book provides intimate and personal stories that present an overview of what shame can look like. The book can therefore be used for both personal reading and reflection, as well as in the classroom in for example women’s studies.

© 2013 Hennie Weiss

Hennie Weiss has a Master’s degree in Sociology from California State University, Sacramento. Her academic interests include women’s studies, gender, sexuality and feminism.