Anne Sheffield is author of How You Can Survive When They’re Depressed:
Living and Coping with Depression Fallout and after writing that book she
created a website, www.depressionfallout.com. 
This new book, Depression Fallout:
The Impact of Depression on Couples and What You Can Do to Preserve the Bond
is largely based on the many postings on the website message boards.  It’s main message to readers is that they
are not alone, and it sets out the many shared experiences of people who are in
couples with depressed partners. 
Sheffield herself suffers from depression and so she writes as both an
advocate for people with depression as well as for those who try to cope with
them.  Sheffield also discusses ways to
treat depression and solve problems between couples. 

I imagine that some people find this sort of
book useful.  Indeed, many Amazon.com
customers give the book high ratings.  It might be especially appropriate for people who are just coming
to suspect that their partner is depressed and want some confirmation of this
and some hints about what to do.  Given
that so many people find web message boards useful too and even say that there
is real community there, it makes sense that some will also find it comforting
to discover have had similar experiences to themselves. 

Personally, I don’t have much enthusiasm for
this sort of book.  Summaries of stories
given on website message boards don’t much interest me and I don’t find much
comfort in knowing that other people have the same problems as myself.  Sheffield’s book is full of vague
generalities and assertions that sometimes this or that happens when you have a
depressed partner.  Most of the
psychiatric information in this book is available in just about all other books
on mood disorders and depression.  Since
a good deal of the advice in the book comes from the message boards, it is not
clear how much of it is reliable and really helpful.  The book is probably helpful as a source for suggestions about
how to negotiate problems in a relationship, but readers obviously need to use
their own intelligence in deciding whether they are really applicable to their
particular situations.

One issue that receives little attention in
this book is the extent to which the discovery that one’s partner suffers from
depression should not be much of a surprise. 
My own guess, which is mainly inspired by personal observation rather
than knowledge of the scientific literature, is that when selecting a partner,
people often will choose people with qualities with which they are familiar or
comfortable.  So people who themselves
suffer depression will often feel that only those who also experience depression
will really understand them, and so consciously or unconsciously seek out other
depressives.  Similarly, people who grew
up with a depressed parent may well relate best to a partner who reminds them
of his or her parent.  This is not a
major omission for such a book, but it would be interesting to learn what
research has been done on this and maybe more important, how one is likely to
find the same problems in most of one’s relationships if one keeps on selecting
depressed partners. 

Links:

·       
Anne Sheffield’s How
You Can Survive When They’re Depressed: Living and Coping with Depression
Fallout

·       
Depression Fallout website

© 2005 Christian Perring. All rights
reserved.  

Christian
Perring, Ph.D., is Academic Chair of the Arts & Humanities
Division and Chair of the Philosophy Department at Dowling College, Long
Island. He is also editor of Metapsychology Online Review.  His
main research is on philosophical issues in medicine, psychiatry and
psychology.

Categories: Depression, SelfHelp