When I saw the posting on an e-mail list asking for a review for the
new Johnson and O’Connor book on lesbian parenting, I immediately responded
to the invitation.  As a lesbian parent and Early Childhood educator
(now college instructor), I was thrilled to see a book had finally been
published specifically addressing the issues, concerns, and needs of lesbians
who undertake a parenting role.  This type of book is long overdue:
there is certainly no lack of parenting manuals available, and most of
them have information that is important and relevant whatever your family
make-up and sexual orientation.  There are definitely, however, specific
issues and concerns that need to be addressed from the particular circumstances
of a lesbian-headed household, and those discussions are, obviously, not
included in parenting manuals that assume a heterosexual audience.

For Lesbian Parents is an overdue entry in parenting literature,
and one that is much needed in lesbian communities.  I would like
nothing more than to write an overwhelmingly positive review of such a
work.  Unfortunately, Johnson and O’Connor haven’t given me enough
to be overwhelmingly positive about.  There is much that is good about
this book, but not overwhelmingly so.  The authors are certainly quite
comprehensive in the scope of issues covered.  They address such topics
as how to interact with doctors and teachers; helping children cope with
bigotry and harassment; the place of religion and spirituality; the development
of gender and sexuality; stepfamilies; legal issues; etc.   Johnson
and O’Connor are at their best when they are discussing what they clearly
know: developmental psychology.  They do an excellent job of explaining
what to expect from children at various developmental stages, particularly
in relation to specific issues.  For example, in Chapter Four, “How
to Help Our Children Better Understand Our Family,” they provide a clear
explanation of the different needs, capabilities, and reactions of children
from Pre-School, School Age, and Adolescent stages.  They do this
again when discussing how to help children respond to the break-up of a
family (Chapter 12), as well as the Chapter 7 topic of “Dealing With Schools.” 
Again, the primary significance of these discussions is their direct relationship
to specifically lesbian parents and our children.  It is refreshing,
reassuring, and helpful to have access to this type of material, and Johnson
and O’Connor present the information in a clear and cogent manner.

The other element of the book that is basically sound is that they refrain
from becoming overly-academic in their tone.  Most of the material
is offered in a casual, conversational manner, which has the potential
for being very engaging, and there are also a number of quotes from lesbian
parents that they interviewed.  It is also the case, however, that
this strength has its pitfalls.  The problem with academics trying
not to sound academic is that they can, instead, come off as sounding condescending
or patronizing.  Johnson and O’Connor make a noble effort to remain
casual while presenting some clearly technical information, but there are
times when they become so casual that their statements are insulting or
over-generalized.  For example, one of the “What You Can Do” suggestions
that they provide at the end of each chapter states, “ As your children
get older, point out the political agenda of many conservative religious
leaders.  For example, when someone appears on television campaigning
for the latest Republican candidate, talk about how conservatives pick
and choose their Biblical scriptures to match their political goals” (127). 
Such a statement offers a very stereotyped portrayal of conservatives and
Republicans.  In a book that repeatedly reminds the reader how important
it is to discourage stereotypes in so far as they affect our children,
it seems to me unwise to perpetuate stereotypes as they relate to other
people.   The line between casual and academic is a fine one,
and difficult to balance.  At times, Johnson and O’Connor achieve
this quite effectively, but at other times they are off the mark.

The primary problematic element of this book, in my opinion, is the
clear bias that is evident but not acknowledged in terms of who they believe
they are writing to and about.  I have dubbed this the “white/bio-bias,”
because the assumption seems to be that most everyone reading this book
is white and has become a parent through artificial insemination. 
My first red flag to this came at the end of Chapter 1, “Lesbian Mothers:
Who We Are,” where the authors delineate the “diversity” of lesbian parents,
noting such things as geographical location, religious commitment, level
of “outness” and political involvement, etc.  There is no mention
in this listing of the racial and ethnic diversity in lesbian communities
and among lesbian parents, and throughout the book, the only discussions
of such diversity are in terms of adoptive parents whose children are from
a different racial or ethnic background (in each of the illustrative examples
discussed, the parent is white and the child is the one who is different). 
There is virtually no discussion of the specific potential for additional
issues surrounding lesbian parenting in various ethnic communities.

The “bio” part of the bias is evident throughout, giving the assumption
that everyone reading the book became artificially inseminated (or gave
birth while in a straight marriage before coming out as lesbian). 
While it is undoubtedly true that most lesbian parents became parents through
AI or straight consensual sex, it is problematic to assume that everyone
reading the book has come to parenting in that way.  More and more
lesbians are finding ways to adopt, and there are, unfortunately, lesbians
who have been raped and become pregnant as a result.  Johnson and
O’Connor mention adoption and straight sex pregnancy, but it comes off
as being an attempt at being inclusive, rather than an assumed inclusiveness
from the outset.  This “bio-bias” is woven throughout the book in
subtle ways; for example, in a Chapter 13 discussion of “Lesbian Stepfamilies,”
while considering the issues involved in forming a new relationship with
someone who has a child, they explain, “Sometimes a biological mother gets
the sense that her new partner may be more interested in her children than
she is in her” (205).  The use of the word “biological” in this sentence
is absolutely extraneous and unnecessary, and serves to demonstrate the
underlying assumption about the means to parenthood that is evidenced throughout
the book.

There is nothing wrong with writing from a specific perspective, and
writers are generally encouraged to keep in mind a specific audience they
are addressing.  The bias is not the problem: the lack of acknowledgement
of that bias is.  This would not be such a problematic element in
this work if the authors weren’t setting themselves up as experts who are
writing comprehensively.  Even so, there is a wealth of important
and much needed information in this book, and lesbian parents can find
tremendous value in what Johnson and O’Connor have to offer, especially
if you are a white, “biological” mother.  Those of us who are removed
from one or both of those qualifiers can still find this book a valuable
addition to our parenting library, but must do so with an adaptive eye.

© 2001 Rebecca Howard

 

Rebecca Howard is
a parent, partner, and educator.  After retiring from a seventeen
year career as an Early Childhood teacher/administrator, she is currently
teaching Women’s Studies and Interdisciplinary Studies at Miami University
in Oxford, Ohio.

Categories: Relationships, Sexuality

Tags: Gay, Lesbian and Bisexuality Resources, Parenting