This rather unusual autobiographical book, written in the third person, vividly describes one young man’s experience with the first symptoms of manic depression at age eighteen and, in journal form, covers the nine month period between the first appearance of depression and mania until his successful treatment. His attempt to weave, "a quality work of psychological ‘true fiction’ and a useful tool to assist manic-depressives and their families, as well as mental healthcare providers (….)[to] serve as a reference tool to better understand the enigmatic nature of manic-depression and its impact on the afflicted, their families, and the mental healthcare providers who serve them."(Author’s Note) falls unfortunately short of this lofty goal. Despite the oxymoron – "true fiction" – he does write a compelling "psychological" story in an easy-to-read flowing style, though the third-person account gives it a surreal feeling for an autobiography.

The chapters, arranged in diary format, first describe the story of a 19-year-old high-academic achiever who, upon graduating from high school, obtains a scholarship to a prestigious university. During the freshmen year, he starts to experience many different emotional and mental changes, which he doesn’t understand. As he sinks further into deep depression he starts to miss classes, isolates himself from classmates and spend more and more time in his room sleeping. Not recognizing what is happening, he feels "out of sorts" and blames his surroundings, his roommates, his school and anything else he can think of.

During his first break, he returns home hoping that the familiar surroundings and old friends will make him feel better. But this is not to be. He finds nothing soothes his troubled mind and gradually shifts into a manic phase. "He lost his soul… and his sanity."(Back Cover) What follows is the account of his terribly violent and aggressive manias with subsequent frequent arrests, institutionalizations and finally jail. The bulk of the story focuses on this phase of his illness and his thoughts – violent, vengeful and homicidal. His account ends with his acquiescence to treatment, which is barely touched upon.

If you are looking to educate yourself about manic depression, also known as bipolar disorder, you will find the book disappointing. The information presented shows only one aspect out of the many facets of the disease. It neither helps one understand the enigmatic nature of manic depression nor does it present the multitude of symptoms faced by those afflicted and their impact on those who love them. It is but one account, although a very real, horrifying and compelling one.

The author also makes the unfortunate error of stating in his epilogue that "now (…) it’s over"(p.277). Manic depression is never "over". There is no cure – only remission. It is a disorder one needs to learn to control through proper medication, psychotherapy and self-knowledge – something the author fails to mention.

For a more informative and educational autobiography, I would recommend reading Kay Redfield Jamison’s An Unquiet Mind. A Memoir of Moods and Madness .

© Caroline Mondoux-Gardiner, R.N., BGB, 2001

Caroline has held an interest in psychology and mental health since her early teenage years. She later went on to pursue a Nursing degree prior to being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Since then she has also obtained a business degree. Currently she is a stay-at-home mom concentrating on her writing career and working on a new book on manic depression. If you suffer from manic depression or someone close to you does and would like to share your experiences you can contact her at cmgardiner@hotmail.com. Caroline presently lives in Indiana with her husband and two young sons.

Categories: Memoirs, MentalHealth