What does forgiveness look like? It is a word that many of us use fairly often, and in some situations, we use the term forgiveness quite loosely, talking about forgiving a friend, partner or acquaintance for a minor mishap, mistake or for something they said or done that perhaps hurt our feelings. But what about forgiveness on a much deeper level? What about forgiving the perpetrator who murdered your child, massacred nearly 70 people, kidnapped and abused someone you love, or sexually abused you? Is it even possible to forgive that person or those acts and if so, what does forgiveness look like? The Forgiveness Project: Stories For a Vengeful Age by Marina Cantacuzino looks at atrocious acts through the first-hand experience and written accounts of people who have either been the victims of crime, or have lost a loved one through acts of violence, genocide, terrorism or war. The accounts are honest, deeply emotional and discuss the notion of forgiveness as the stories unfold. In many ways, the term forgiveness is a personal one, different for each story, and they do not necessarily construct or explain forgiveness in the sense that the act committed is completely forgiven. Instead, it is about coming to terms with horrible experiences, relating to the perpetrator on some level and finding healing in sharing ones story. The term forgiveness is something that most of us struggle with, as does the author, but there seems to be a place of understanding and recovery that can help restore life and aid the victims in finding peace. 

“One of the reasons forgiveness is so tricky is that some wrongdoers seem so entirely undeserving of it. The list of high-profile murderers, sadists and tyrants is endless, but, to name just a few, how on earth do you start to forgive the likes of Hitler, Pol Pot, Kim II Sung, or Abubakar Shekau, the leader of Nigeria’s Islamist group Boko Haram who in 2014 abducted over 200 schoolgirls just for receiving a Western education? How do we talk of forgiveness in relation to these grand-scale atrocities where human capacity for evil seems limitless? (p. 26). As the author describes, forgiveness can be very tricky, and as noted in the stories, it is not a straight path. Instead, in many of the accounts, feelings range from hate to sadness, to wanting revenge, but also wanting to understand why a certain act was committed. In some of the accounts, both the victim (or someone close to the victim) and the perpetrator share their stories of forgiveness and it becomes quite clear that in many circumstances the perpetrators were also the victims of horrible acts at some point in their lives, and therefore, coming to terms with the death of a loved one seems more plausible, once these stories are shared. One of the stories depicts such early abuse and describes the life of Sammy Rangel from the U.S, who started committing crimes at a very young age. Sammy’s account is deeply moving and the reader can sympathize with his struggle and the abuse he went through as a young boy, leading up to the violence he committed on others; “It started aged three when my sister and I were raped by my mother’s brother…I was also systematically and sadistically abused by my mother and stepfather throughout my childhood…By the age of eight I tried to hang myself – only failing because the extension lead broke” (p. 67-68).

The Forgiveness Project is such a powerful book because it discusses the notion of forgiveness as a personal journey, one that looks different for each person, and each situation. Forgiveness is not defined as the resolution of an event, but instead learning to live with ones feelings, and coming to terms with the event that happened – on a very personal level. Forgiving may seem entirely impossible to some, yet the people who discuss their stories have found some sort of peace in their journey to forgiveness, and that is the most important lesson to be learned. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, or condoning an event, instead, it is learning to live with it. The Forgiveness Project is aimed at anyone dealing with loss. The stories are personal, yet powerful, and the accounts of violence and loss are deeply moving and profound, and it is next to impossible walking away from this book without thinking further about the concept of forgiveness.

© 2015 Hennie Weiss

Hennie Weiss has a Master’s degree in Sociology from California State University, Sacramento. Her academic interests include women’s studies, gender, sexuality and feminism.