Perhaps I’m a cynic, but shouldn’t
a mystery story be mysterious? And shouldn’t a funny story make you laugh? The
Missing Professor is a novel that makes both these claims but delivers on
neither of them. Author Thomas B Jones has a didactic purpose in writing this
novel. Encouraged by seminar participants to develop his teaching vignettes
into a longer work, Jones responded with a mystery novel. The result is
something flimsy, poorly plotted, and stereotyped. You might be prepared to
forgive a certain amount knowing that one purpose of the book is to stimulate
faculty discussion about the politics of education. But a novel is a novel, and
must show at least a modicum of style and substance. If I attended a faculty
meeting and was faced some of this material I’d run away screaming.

Nicole Adams is a philosophy
graduate. She is idealistic, eager to succeed as a teacher, and anxious that
her students should share her passion for learning. She is disappointed by the
mediocre expectations of Higher State University, and appalled at the antics of
the professors and administrators. She perseveres, but in the end is left to
pursue a career elsewhere, perhaps beyond teaching. In her first year of
teaching she is as naïve as a debutante; as virginal as a first year student
member of the campus ecumenical fellowship. She reads position papers, she
prepares lectures, she grades papers, she maintains a prim, proprietorial air
in all things. From Nicole’s position of studied naivety the reader is
introduced to faculty life; in all it’s bitchy, pompous, self important
posturing. Seeing all of this through Nicole’s eyes allows the reader to feel
superior, but only at the cost of being somewhat aloof and judgmental.  

The reason for the subtitle of the
book An Academic Mystery is revealed early on when Professor Raskin goes
missing. Not only is he nowhere to be found on campus; he all but disappears
from the plot. The story gallops along. There are scenes in Nicole’s classroom,
at home with her stray kitten, the cutely named Munchkin, and an endless round
of faculty meetings. This is a university in crisis. The faculty spend their
time reacting with incredulity to the machinations of Dean "Buster’
Melvin. They debate these issues with all the finesse of an Education 101
class. Nearly every page brings a new character, most of whom are writ large
and then forgotten. The ‘mystery’ is solved by a plot device with as original
as hidden-panel-in the-wall trick. Raskin is being held behind a hidden panel
in the wall. Damn it, I’ve just given away the plot. Well, I yawned at the
time, so you’re not missing out on anything.

The editing is poor. When Nicole
and Clark find out (on p. 63) about an 1981 oral history held in the library
they resolve to locate it. By the time they find it on p. 66 it’s a 1991
history. And someone should have restrained Jones’ compulsion for over
description. As Nicole flees Higher State for a new life she floors the
accelerator, and the car responds "with an unexpected burst of
speed". Who’d have thought? When you’ve put up with the excruciating prose
and the labored plot, the book contains a separate section of 30 pages accessed
by turning the book upside down and back to front. This section contains
questions for faculty members to ponder, based on the lessons of the novel. I
didn’t bother. If there is anything to be gained from this Boys’ Own romp
through the halls of academe it was lost on me. I’d give The Missing
Professor a D.

© 2006 Tony O’Brien

Tony O’Brien, M. Phil. is a short
story writer and lecturer in mental health nursing at the University of
Auckland, New Zealand: a.obrien@auckland.ac.nz

Categories: Fiction