Despite its title, this is not a “how to” book using the common meaning of “how to”. There are no steps to follow, only, from my perspective, ephemeral benchmarks to measure one’s self by. If the reader is in the process of generating a legacy that gives meaning to his or her life, the benchmarks are recognizable and somewhat helpful and comforting to have articulated. If, however, the reader approaches this book with no clue, I fear they will leave, after reading it or a portion of it, scratching their head, still with no clue. It is even possible that such a reader will leave feeling badly about themselves for not understanding the message.

The book is about generativity ephemerally defined as “this feeling of mattering, of creating lasting value, of passing your very self on to others”. I found it a very squishy concept to keep hold of while, at the same time, trying to read the book. Many of the benchmarks, or would-be how-to steps, are defined using this “generativity” in their definition. The author tells both of psychologists who “measure” it and fairy tales that illustrate it; we learn what it is from both Holocaust survivors and djinni. I had trouble even remembering the exact word, “generativity” and had to make a working definition for myself as a sort of “intergenerational thing we do or meaning we make for ourselves”. The original term and definition comes from psychoanalyst Erik H. Erikson as, “the concern in establishing and guiding the next generation”. Perhaps I had as much trouble as I did because I’m not at all familiar with Erikson’s work.

The book is divided into three sections, with the middle section being given over to the eight “Steps on the Way”; “Talking to Your Past, Stopping the Damage, finding a voice of Your Own, Blending Your Voice and Creating, Selecting and Letting Go” and “Responding to Outcome”. This is as “how to” as it gets. Each of these chapters is full of true life and fantastic stories and illustrations that try to show that portion of generativity in action.

In the entire book there were two or three stories that resonated strongly for me and where I “got it” but my expectations rarely, if ever, matched my actual reading experience. I consider myself fairly intelligent, I have a college degree in Sociology and do a heck of a lot of nonfiction reading but when I had finished this book I felt defeated and like I wasn’t very bright. This book either was not meant for the “common” serious reader or, I feel, its author is out of touch. There are a lot of jokes about college professors living in ivory towers and I suspect that this psychology professor at the University of Michigan, despite award-winning television and radio shows and the authoring of many books might be one of them. I have no doubt the material is worth knowing about but I failed to receive the communication this book was intended to impart.

Categories: ClientReviews, SelfHelp, General

Keywords: case studies, adulthood, success